I’ve been traveling across the United States for the past three months, and have taken advantage of the opportunity to visit friends and family on the way to my destinations. While visiting my grandparents, my grandmother sat down on her couch, patted the cushion, and said, “Laura, why don’t you come sit by me. I have something from church I’d like to share with you.”
Well, of course I thought she would share bible verses or something spiritually based. Imagine my surprise when she pulled out a piece of xeroxed paper titled, “Hysterical Church Bloopers.” Then she proceeded to try and read the sheet of paper. She had to stop several times to dry her eyes or to give me time to catch my breath between bouts of laughter, which made it one of those memorable moments I will always cherish. Therefore, I’d like to dedicate this post to family, and the memories we share with our loved ones.
Now…if you’re ready to laugh (and think you can refrain from being offended), have a look below: (read to the end…they get better and better)
HYSTERICAL CHURCH BLOOPERS
The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins:
1) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
2) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
3) The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. And Mrs. Julius Belzer.
4) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
5) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7) Don’t let worry kill you –let the church help.
8) Thursday Night –Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
9) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
10) For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.
12) Tuesday at 4:00pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early
13) Thursday at 5:00pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the Pastor in his study.
14) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
Look for Ol’ Grum’s tales to start next Wednesday!